Of Rocks and Men
by spocks-ears-rock
Summary: Basically an attempt at humour...a parody of a fanfic I wrote years ago. Kirk, Spock, McCoy, Chekov and a random Lieutenant beam to the surface of Hydra II...but what is it about the rocks that seems so...wrong..? Please R&R my first fanfic!


**Of Rocks and Men**

Disclaimer-I do not, never have and probably never will own Star Trek. More's the pity.

However, I do own this fanfic and the basic idea, even though technically it would have been impossible without random comments from my lunatic family.

I think this will go without saying once you start reading, but this is not based on any episode of TOS in particular. It is a fanfic I wrote ages ago, but I recently edited it to make a parody type thing out of it.

Also...while I'm here! I have a strange sense of humour. It's very likely that you won't get my sense of humour. At least...people give me fnny looks when I'm trying ot be funy in real life. So I assume it'll be the same here. At any rate, please tell me if you think I'm not even remotely funny. But if you review...remember it's my FIRST fanfic on any show/movie/anything ever, so don't be really nasty! Constructive Criticism is the way forward!

**-------------------------------------------------**

**Kirk**

Captain's log, Stardate 4007.6...

**Spock**

Point seven, I think you'll find, sir.

**Kirk**

Ahem. Captain's log, Stardate 4007..POINT SIX...we-that is, myself, Mr Spock, Dr McCoy, Lieutenant Reynolds and Ensign Chekov-have decided to beam down to the surface of planet Hydra II, to investigate a series of deaths of Starfleet officers.

**Spock**

You might find yourself to be mistaken, Captain. I must remain in command of the Enterprise.

**Kirk**

Engineering Officer, Mr Scott, will remain in command of the USS Enterprise until I return.

**Spock**

It is most illogical to let Mr Scott remain in command.

**Kirk**

I'll live.

**Spock**

Naturally.

**Transporter Room-Scotty, although he should be doing commanding things on the bridge, is, in fact, busy beaming the landing party down. Spock is not happy, but then..who would ever notice?**

**Kirk**

Beam us down, Scotty.

**Scotty**

Don't you mean energise, Cap'n?

**Kirk**

If you insist.

**Scotty waits for Kirk to repeat his command. In vain**

**Kirk**

Is there a problem, Scotty?

**Scotty**

Hm? Oh, you meant now..?

**The landing party slowly disappear, only to materialise on the planet's surface. All react by looking to left and right (or vice versa) and look at their recorders. Except Kirk, who is too busy staring at the rocks**

**Kirk**

Spock…what does your tricoder say about…the rocks?

**Spock**

**looking at tricorder**

Fascinating, Captain. It would appear that these rocks are not rocks. At least, not as we understand the term 'rocks'.

**Kirk**

Meaning?

**Spock**

These rocks are hand crafted…from…polystyrene!

**all gasp**

**-------------------------------------------------**

**Main Titles**

**Kirk**

Space...the final frontier. These are the voyages of the StarShip Enterprise. Our five year mission-to explore strange new worlds, to seek out new life and new civilizations…to boldly go-

**Spock**

**shakes head**

Such bad grammar.

**Kirk**

Excuse me?

**Spock**

For a civilization as advanced as you would claim yours to be…

**Kirk**

What's your point?

**Spock**

Basic grammar, Captain. Apparently you do not value the gift of communication.

**Kirk**

I fail to see where you are coming from, Mr Spock.

**Spock**

"To boldly go." The only logical way to phrase that simple idea is, naturally, "To go boldly." Through your own uncultivated communication of that thought, you split an infinitive, thereby butchering the English language.

**McCoy**

I think you'll find that the technicalities of Jim's wording is completely irrelevant, Spock.

**Spock**

I think you'll find, doctor, that that wording is everything if you want to-

**McCoy**

If you want to WHAT? Mr Spock, I find it highly unlikely that every creature in every civilization on EVERY blasted planet speaks English. And I conclude, my highly logical pointy eared computer, that no alien could care LESS about Jim's wording.

**Spock**

**raising an eyebrow**

If you insist, Doctor.

**Kirk**

Would anyone mind if I…continued?

**McCoy**

**glaring at Spock**

Go right ahead, Jim.

**Spock**

If you wish, sir.

**Kirk**

Thank you. To boldly go where NO MAN has gone before!

**-------------------------------------------------**


End file.
